Rough day

BLAH!!! That is my mood today....My body is achey, slugish, and all I wanna do is be lazy and sleep. Luckily I got a nice nap in today and I feel like I have a little more energy than I did when I woke up this morning. This is something I guess I will have to get use to, and its a sign that we are getting closer and closer to my show. One thing I must add that drives me nuts about people though is just because I can do something doesnt mean I want to....Yes I am a lot stronger than most girls and yes I can lift a lot, but just because I can doesnt mean I want to. People dont understand the dieting and depletion we do before a show...they think we are always at our strongest just because we are starting to look leaner and more cut. Sorry that is my little venting for the day.
On a positive note, one thing that surprises me though is how much music helps me out no matter how exhausted my body is. I am a person that is always listening to music and singing at the top of my lungs....and possibly the one you see at the gym dancing to my music while I do my cardio. I feel like music has a huge influence on our day and our moods, so I always try to have music playing throughout my day. One song that I have been stuck on for awhile and that I love to listen to during my cardio sessions to help get me through them is take over control....http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=rVjcLL9WwU8
Idk what it is about this song but it just gets me going LOL and I sit there and dance to it with Jessica while we do the stair master and tredmill every day...dont judge me lol.
As weak and exhausted as I feel, I know I am unstoppable and will step out on that stage knowing I did everything I could. I am so excited and every day gets me closer and closer to show time...

Moment for life

I know it has been awhile since I have posted and I apologize. This prep hasn't been the easiest mentally for me, I have been dealing with a lot. Recently my whole mentality has changed, and it took one incident to do it for me. Its crazy to think how much the mental side of this sport has control over everything. I have been in a mindf*** for quite some time now, and I have finally come out of it....and I only wish it could have came sooner. I am more intune with my body, and I have learned how to over power my physical strength with my mental strength. My coach has always told me how you can do SO much more physically when your mind takes over. I am finishing every exercise with an extra rep, and I will be taking this show....I am so hungry for Border States its kinda ridiculous. As much as people say they hate prepping for a show because of how exhausted we become, I want to keep this moment for life. Seeing how strong my mind is and how it can over power my physical ability when I am exhausted is amazing to me. When my body tells me I can't go any farther or I can't do one more rep, I tell myself I can and push out two more. I love the feeling and the drive that I have found deep down inside. I will not let anyone take away from my goals, dreams, or wants....I want this and let me tell you I will have this! I have let so many people interfere with this prep and take my mental side out of this....and now that its back, I am coming in 10 times stronger both mentally and physically! I am a new Kayla and I am loving this. I am less than 5 weeks out from my show, and as hard as it may be physically I am mentally my strongest. Its crazy to see when your mind is in this and you are stress free how much your body can change. I have noticed a huge change in my moods, body, and workouts since I have cleared my head and the only thing I see is border states. I can't wait to be out on that stage with my girls and show all of you what I have accomplished.

Food porn and exhaustion

Things have definately changed recently....the weak, exhausted Kay has come out and I still have 6 1/2 weeks till show time. I feel weak and tired all the time, but this is the best time of a prep...when youre exhausted and your body tells you it can't take any more or it can't do something and your mind has to take over to push you through your cardio session or workout. This is where you find out what you are truely made of, and to show exactly how bad you want this. I must give a huge shout out to my workout partner, because on days I feel beaten down and weak as all hell, she pulls my extremely sore butt off the couch and tells me to get to work. I can def see changes every week, and my body slowly shedding off layer by layer, I am just wishing it would come off FASTER!! This prep is a whole new experience for me and I am learning so much from it...and I am so greatful for those people who have put up with me through all of this. I have had a lot of issues appear throughout this prep and it has affected me a lot, but one thing I have learned is that no matter what comes up I am in full control of my prep and my body. Nothing is going to pull me away from this goal and my desire to be where I want to be come show time.

So I have to tell you about some dreams I have been having lately....hopefully most of you know the term food porn LOL. All my dreams now consist of FOOD!!! I have had a reaccuring dream, and every time I wake from this dream I am in a panic thinking it really happened. This dream is kind of like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory.....I start eating EVERYTHING in sight...I have even made up my own flavor of pringles in this dream....Mexican flavor...every chip is a different piece of mexican food. I just cant stop eating....I wake up freaking out that I ruined my whole prep, but luckily its just a dream. The other night I had a dream that I was camping inside of Costco (dont ask why lol) but I had two kids with me and my meals of fish....well I was fighting with these two kids because they kept eating my precious fish! LOL I was chatting with some friends about these dreams...and I am sure all of you know about the dessert gum that all of us in prep mode eat like theres no tomorrow....well while we were talking I was thinking, they should make pizza or taco flavored gum....or just food flavored gum. I think that would help me out so much lol. Hopefully Im not the only one with crazy dreams and desires of eating food!

8 weeks out

Tomorrow offically marks 8 weeks out, and I have mixed feelings....it feels awhile away, but it doesn't feel like enough time. I had a meeting with my coach last night, and I am not sure what hit me yesterday but I feel like a new me has been born. My focus and mindset have def changed...I told my coach last night "This show is about ME." If any of you know me, I am the farthest thing from selfish...I try to always put others before me, but talking to my best friend about everything I think she finally knocked some sense into me....this show doesn't affect anyone but myself. I can be unselfish the rest of the year, but when it comes to show time it has to be about me. I have finally gotten the sense knocked into me, as hard headed as I am. I feel great, knowing I will not let ANYONE take this away from me or push me away from my goals. As my coach told me "If you're not with me, you're against me". I am stronger than I have ever been before, and I have the mindset that NO ONE will stop me!

I am a little weird, and as most girls LOVE cardio....I HATE it! lol I would rather lift all day long than do cardio lol. I on the stepmill doing my intervals (DYING)...I had 15 min left and was contemplating stopping since I couldn't breath...But I put on my song (and Im not sure why this song pushes me or motivates me and you all will probably laugh when I tell you) Sleazy by Kesha and kept telling myself "first place only"...You best believe I finished that cardio feeling AMAZING after.

The new Kayla is here and you best believe she is bringing more than her "A" game!! There is no more bullshit in my life, and you best believe I will no longer put up with it or allow it in my life. Borderstates here I come!!!